Well...truth be told, I'm having a harder time with all of this than I thought. I don't like not being in control of things, and right now, there is a lot that I can't control.
1. I don't have a job, and as many as I apply to, and as many of those as I feel I am perfect for...I am just not in control of that decision.
2. I'm not in control of my emotions/health right now. I'm 2 weeks out from leaving my husband and the life that I had created and had been living for the last 4 years. I need to tell myself that its OK to cry, its OK to mourn the loss of friends, an awesome job, its OK to not be OK!!! I'm also dealing with migraines because of the stress I'm putting on myself.
3. I can't control what other people do. That's just that, the good, the bad, the ugly.
On a positive note, I have the best, most crazy awesome family there is. My parents seriously rock my world. I take back every stupid mean thing I ever said as a teenager! ha ha...
My Mom has this super strength that she gets from somewhere deep inside that allowed her to help me load that trailer and drag it here, unload it and stay strong for me so that I didn't break down physically and emotionally. She rearranged my sister's old room so that it would be as comfy as possible for me and the Osc man! My Dad makes me laugh everyday, even through tears sometimes, and he works his ass off everyday just to support my mom and Erin and this house. Erin has been doing her part too! She takes care of Osc when I go out and taught him how to go up and down the back steps on his own! They are the best!
When I talk family, I include my friend Matt, his girlfriend Gioia, and his boys, Aron and Jason...because Matt has truly been family to me over the last 5 years. I watched Aron and Jason the last 2 days after school so that Matt could go to a wake/funeral and let me tell you, Jason did something that made me laugh so hard, my gut hurt!
I used the last paper towel and offered him the empty tube, because he is 5, and well...why not? When I turned around to finish making dinner, he began wailing the words to Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance," through his new "microphone!" So funny!
Through everything that has been going on, who would have known that a paper towel tube, and one sweet 5 year old could be the thing that makes me smile, and tells me that everything IS going to be OK!!
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